Stress-free holidays for families

By Tess Kerzner LMSW LMHC
Children’s Services Coordinator for The Resource Center

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go.   Starting with Thanksgiving on through New Year’s is the hustle and bustle of preparing and dealing with the holidays. It is a special time to share with family and friends.   This article is written especially for families that have children with special needs.  I want to write about stress management so that you and your family can have a stress-free holiday.

First, let me define what stress management is.  Stress management is the ability to control or reduce the intensity of stress symptoms. Why do this?
We do so because stress impairs the immune system.  This means stress lowers your and your child’s resistance to disease, such as the common cold.  So, not only will you want to keep your child stress free during the holidays, but also yourself!  Why further complicate the holidays by being sick?  So, let’s get started with being prepared for a stress-free holiday.

First, be careful not to overstimulate your child during the holidays.  Parents do not need to buy expensive educational toys.  Research has shown that experiences with new kinds of activity or stimulation can generate growth in the brain within only a few hours after the experience begins.  However, research also suggests too many new experiences introduced, or too much stimulation, can cause stress and hinder a child’s development.  Go slowly with new activities around the holidays.  Be selective.

Dashing through the snow – don’t!  Take time with your child.  Do not rush your child, or you are guaranteed a meltdown – either yours or your child’s.  Plan ahead for the upcoming parties and obligations.

Sights, Sounds, Smells, Tastes, and Touches (kisses and hugs) of the Season, along with changes in the routine, can set a child with special needs into a meltdown.  Here are some more tips that will help you get through the holidays:

First, know the signs of an oncoming meltdown of your child.  You know your child better than anyone else.  To increase the effectiveness of your parenting, it is important to read a child’s signals and respond quickly with warmth, by using a soothing voice, smiling and holding the child close.  Research suggests that children’s development improves when parents follow a child’s lead to provide appropriate responses.

Prepare your child for what they can expect.  Remember, transition for any child can be anxiety producing when a child does not know what will happen next.  If you prepare your child days ahead, using picture stories and communicating to your child, you will help your child be better prepared for the transition (practice, practice, practice what is to come).  Having your child know what to expect will inhibit and/or reduce the anxiety.

Next, let family and friends know ahead of time what your child’s disability (or some people prefer the term “different ability”) is.  It is helpful for friends and family knowing ahead of time what your child’s needs are and helping them understand his behavior. So, a hug may not be a good idea for a child who does not like to be touched!  When you are proactive, your family and friends may help and understand things, like why a quiet room may be needed in a noisy party or crowded room, and would be happy to accommodate and have you come to the celebration, rather than not come at all.

As a parent, you know what can trigger a meltdown with your child before it happens.  Work out a signal with your child that will signify a coping skill to take a break.  Your child will learn that signal means time to slow down from all the stimulation around him, before the meltdown occurs.  Perhaps it may be time to pull out his favorite toy and bring him to a quiet room, or maybe a coloring book with his favorite crayons or a puzzle.  A favorite movie may be something he can share to watch with other children.  Sometimes another child, particular a sibling, is great at helping out. 

Keep to your children’s bedtime and routine as much as possible.  Prepare family and friends about your timeline you want to follow, and stick with your timeframe.

Know your child’s limitations; for example, if your child has to dress up, bring his favorite comfortable clothes to change into if you know that the dress-up clothes could trigger a meltdown.

Children with special needs can mean special diets.  Be ready to bring your child’s favorite treats to a part, in case the food being served could trigger a reaction.

Lastly, don’t forget to take care of yourself.  Make sure you exercise, meditate, watch what you eat and drink, get plenty of rest, have supportive family and friends take over when you need them to, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You too will need a quiet place to go to from time to time.  Know your limitations too!

Life is too short.  Enjoy your family, friends and loved ones.  Be thankful, be merry and have a glorious holiday, stress free.

For information about TRC’s services for children with special needs, contact Tess Kerzner at 661-1057 or tess.kerzner@resourcecenter.org.